


What is supposed to be like

by ca_te



Category: Nabari no Ou
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-19
Updated: 2010-09-19
Packaged: 2017-10-12 00:38:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ca_te/pseuds/ca_te
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written on 14 September 2009 for the 30 kisses comm at Lj. Written using 2nd person from Yoite's POV.</p>
    </blockquote>





	What is supposed to be like

**Author's Note:**

> Written on 14 September 2009 for the 30 kisses comm at Lj. Written using 2nd person from Yoite's POV.

There are things that people are supposed to know, right? All the people in the world. At least this is what you have understood without anyone explaining it to you.

And you know you are not what a person is supposed to be. You don't even know which name is your real name. You don't know if you really care about that or not, but still...

And so many other things, so many that your bruised fingers are not enough to count. Indeed, why counting? You know that this all could not have existed.

You keep your hands in your pockets. The wind is hot and you wear an old black coat. Grains of dust scratch your eyelids.

Miharu told you to wait for him. You know he is in a place they call school. From what you understood there are books and other people there. You are not sure if you like Miharu being with other people. You try not to think about that too much. Because every time you do is like if someone is dropping stones in your pockets, and you feel heavier, and your feet are like the one of a little lead soldier, glued to the base.

You have to walk slowly. The air whistles in your lungs as you walk. You wonder how your body should look inside. Once you saw a documentary with Yukimi, that was about the functioning of the human heart. You didn't imagine your heart to be like that, so red and soft. You still had had in your head the imagine of the hearts your brother used to draw with chalks on the ground, right in front of the window of the basement. They were made by white lines and the grey of the asphalt. But they were hearts and they were for you.

Sounds which seem voices pierce through the cotton layer in your ears. You turn on your right. There's a play field, you saw one similar near Miharu's school. There are boys running and shouting things you are not able to see. You take a step.

The first thing life taught you was not to get too near to people. You remember wanting your mother's hands to hold you, but when you looked for them what you found were scratches and bruises. Only Tsukasa used to caress your hands, through the bars of the basement's window. You still remember his soft, brown eyes. Even now, after the blood dripped along your neck.

It was hard, so hard, to get used to be touched, to let Miharu hold your hand sometimes or lightly brushing his fingertips on your cheeks.

The boys must wear jumpers of different colours. You see red and blue spots running back and forth, and there's a black little thing flying. You know that it is a ball. You saw them in Miharu's school courtyard. And you remember your brother playing with other kids outside when it was summer. You remember the expression your brother had when he was able to catch that small ball. Once he told you that that game was called "baseball". You have never cared about the right names things should have. But that name, "baseball", it was Tsukasa to give it to you. And so you remembered. You wonder if the coloured spots that you are watching are playing baseball.

There's a fan guard all around the green handkerchief of grass on which they are running. You let your fingers slip through the holes, you squeeze your eyes.

Miharu told you not to force your eyesight too much. Sometimes when you are together he just covers your eyes with his hands. They are always warmer than your skin. And what you see in those moments is the dark palm of those little hands, nothing more. When he closes your eyes like that you feel somehow free, free to shyly touch him, free to reach out, as if you were what a person is supposed to be. And sometimes you are so close, his hands over your eyes and his breath over your cheeks. When you have your eyes closed by his warm skin you let your weak mind wonder and you imagine your lips brushing against it. You don't even know the meaning of brushing your lips against his. Still you imagine it and you don't know how you can have this feelings, because you don't even know how to name them.

The fan guard tremble under your fingers as the ball hits it. What you hear is only a soft sound, like the one of a little bird flapping his wings.

A boy stands in front of you, on the other side of the fan. His lips moves, your ears whistle.

-Did it hit you?

You shake your head. The boy smiles. He has brown eyes, they remind you of the hot chocolate Yukimi makes when you are too cold to sleep at night, they remind you of white hearts drawn on the concrete.

-Good then! Bye!

The boy turns, your tired eyes catch a ten drawn on the back of his t-shirt. It's white on the red of the texture. You slowly turn and continue to walk.

 

Miharu's hands are over your eyes. You feel the wooden floor of the abandoned wagon hard beneath your body.

-Do people have numbers Miharu?

Miharu chuckles and you feel stupid. If you guessed right what "stupidity" means.

-Why do you think that, Yoite?

His hands press lightly over your eyelids.

-Today I saw a boy with a number on his back. It was one and zero,

-That's ten, Yoite. It means he plays in a team. You play in teams when you do sports.

You feel somehow relieved now that you know that human beings aren't all supposed to have numbers, because then this is something even a little shinigami has in common with humans.

Miharu's arms slid around your neck. What closes your eyes now is Miharu's chest.

-Do not think too much, Yoite.

You imagine the soft, red thing pulsating inside Miharu's chest. They call it "heart" right?

You allow yourself to encircle Miharu's little body with your arms.  
You often have wished not to have that thing, that "heart", but now it resonates so calmly between your body and Miharu's . This is how a person's heart is supposed to be like.


End file.
